My sentimental and sexual history is very long, I dare say a life long since the first time an adult tried to touch me as I was a child. Since the first porno magazine happened by chance in my hand playing in the park. Since the first time I heard intimate discussions.
Since the first time a man put me in the corner when I was abroad among summer students.
Since that time when I was lovely flirting in a disco after a university examination, ending to find myself on the garden’s grass just outside the main entrance of the disco, half naked downloaded on the grass, of which I still remember the cold wet sensation of 4 in the morning freezing my skin.
Since the first time I decided to have sex. Since the first time I fell in love as everybody, then again, than again. Since the first time I danced for somebody. Since the first time I was involved in a group experience. Since the first time a man lied to have sex with me. A long list of first times. It could be longer, as I tend to learn and not to repeat experiences.
There has been a time when I have been painting stars and body landscapes, I looked for sexuality in the lines of nature and human body.
There has been a time, I desired to marry and have children, a time where I have been damned and desperately in love. That time has just passed and life went on.
I had pauses. Purification pauses from sex, where I focused in my intimacy, literally, my body, my smell, my hand, my hair, my hormones. It is around the enchanting age of 40. The time when you finally reach, as a woman, the freedom you deserve from social and family constraints. When you are 40 you can choose how to build your body and your sexual identity is ready to express freely. “The line between love and fascination” can be clearly seen and you can even choose to practice sex for pure freedom. Freedom to chose it upon the experience rather than upon subconscious needs.
This is the best time. The time when you do it as experience of awareness. You do it, when you feel the meeting is a right one, right for the present, and the man dares to become your client. Yes, no more future husband, but temporary clients, as time is limited after forty and you do not feel like investing in that sentimental fluid called love, neither you feel like giving your love away to strangers, as you are still alive and have your value. No more time for “strangers in the night, exchanging glances, loving at first sight”, as you have already loved at first sight, too many times to be able to live another first time.
Then you simply look at how your body changed and realize how few more chances you will have to share unforgettable moments with men. A few. You are not twenty, you are forty. Then you simply take the chance to meet those ones wanting to have something special with you, so special not to feel shy to pay, as it is not exactly a job, it is a passion having a price as many other passions.
Thank you, lovable Clients, for the last moment of passion you will create. Yes, I come to you to let you give new and last chances to enjoy my body, being my soul a solitary soul. Be brilliant. Be unforgettable.